Many people who have not tried therapy often think it’s just about sitting in a room and talking to someone. Of course, this is a literal description of what a therapy session looks like. But it misses the critical work that is actually being done, which can sometimes be uncomfortable.
Therapy is more than just chatting
If all you get out of every therapy session is simply just talking, then you can likely get the same “service” for free from a friend. Of course, some therapy sessions absolutely do need to be vent sessions. But the overall theme of sessions over a period of time should be more than that. The reality is that therapy gives you more than what you get in your friendships when it comes to talking through problems or concerns.
Being in therapy allows you to get more perspective. And even better, this extra perspective is from an outside party. Your therapist is more likely to point out patterns in your behavior that could be hurting you than your friend is. They can help you see different aspects to situations that you may not have considered before. They can help you process deeply hurtful things.
Therapy goes deeper than just talking. With a therapist, you can share more of your darkest moments and thoughts. A good therapist will make you not only feel safe but also understood. The trust you build in the therapy room is what allows you to be a version of yourself that you can’t share with anyone else. This is part of what can make it uncomfortable, too.
Therapy challenges you
Part of what that trust and safety builds is an ability to challenge yourself. Therapists are not there to change you, they’re there to help you change yourself. This process can be uncomfortable. We as people are hardwired to avoid things that are unpleasant or make us feel bad. Therapy sometimes has to do that.
Part of changing yourself means opening yourself up to those uncomfortable conversations you can’t have with anyone else. These conversations force you to look at how you think, behave, and interact with the people and world around you. Allowing yourself to examine things that have happened can allow you to see them differently.
Processing all of this is hard. It takes a mental tolld. That means it may not always be pleasant. It’s important to remember, however, that this uncomfortable feeling is essential. Working through that helps us not only to learn the skills the clinician is trying to teach but it also helps us build a tolerance to distress. This distress tolerance helps us cope more effectively in the future with uncomfortable or difficult situations.
Discomfort is normal
Some discomfort is a normal part of life. There are a lot of things that come up that are challenging or uncomfortable in life. If we don’t encounter these things, we’re never able to grow or change as time goes on. Part of therapy involves working on skills that can help this discomfort be more easily dealt with.
It’s also important to remember that discomfort and being challenged are very different from a therapist being a bad match for you. A good therapist will help you feel safe while exploring these feelings. A good match allows for you to confront this discomfort without feeling judged. If you feel as though your therapist is judging you, pushing you too hard, or misunderstanding you, then the therapeutic relationship may need to be examined. It’s possible you may need to have a conversation with your therapist about this or even find a new one.
Your therapist also needs to meet you where you are at and walk at your pace. You can’t fly through everything without properly addressing things. You also shouldn’t be starting with the most difficult or traumatic topics for you. This is especially true if you haven’t ever worked on developing health coping skills.
