We all know that ending a romantic relationship can be difficult. Even when the end of a relationship is in our best interest, it can still be a painful experience. There is a lot of loss and grief that comes with the end of a relationship. What many people don’t talk about, however, is that “breaking up” with a friend can be just as difficult and painful.
Why does it hurt?
Breaking up with a friend hurts. Anyone who has ended a long-term friendship knows this. There are a lot of things we lose when we end a friendship. There was that person we could turn to for a specific form of comfort that’s now gone. The inside jokes and all of the plans you used to make with them. The routines are broken with that person you regularly saw to catch up and have coffee or talk on the phone with. A regular “hello” text message. These are all things, little and large, that hurt once we realize their loss.
But it’s “just a friend”
Friends are an incredibly important part of our social networks. We rely on them for necessary social engagement that we can’t get from romantic partners or family members. As humans, we’re very social beings. It’s how we’ve gotten to a point of building complex civilizations and traditions. Our friends are a vital part of that. Because of that, it makes just as much sense that it would be painful to lose a part of that network. The longer and more intimate and intertwined the friendship was, the harder it is to lose.
No one else experiences this
Many people do. But in our society, despite the importance of friends, we don’t generally acknowledge the impact they have on our lives, especially when they’re gone. Our society puts a lot of emphasis on nuclear families and romantic partners. However, for many of us, our lives are made up of much larger connected webs of social relationships. We should never rely entirely on a family member or romantic partner to fulfill all of our social needs. Nor should one or two friends also bear the burden of being one person’s entire social network. However, they make an incredibly important link in the chain that is our social lives.
How can I cope?
Losing a friend, regardless of how, is difficult. Sometimes it can even severely impact relationships with other friends, which may have larger and more far-reaching effects on our lives. This can make it even harder to cope with this loss. Turn to others for help. Social networks are built by social connections. This is how we repair these networks, too.
If you don’t have anyone in your life you feel comfortable turning to and the impact of the loss is affecting your daily life, it could be helpful to reach out to a therapist. Sometimes, therapists can help us with coping with the loss and getting to the root of how the loss is affecting us and they can help guide us in healing.
