The holidays can be a time of joy for many people. It’s a time in which we get together with family and have a lot of traditions to look forward to. However, for those who have lost someone close to them, the holidays can be an especially difficult time. Loss can touch many different aspects of our lives, even if the loss isn’t particularly recent.
Why loss hits especially hard now
Dealing with loss of any kind is hard. Whether it’s the loss of a relationship, the death of a loved family member or pet, or the loss of something that many people would consider not “as big of a deal” like a new food allergy that limits what we can eat-it can be emotionally draining and painful. During the holidays, we just have even more reminders of that. There’s an empty place where that loved one should be. There are broken plans and incomplete traditions. There’s a room that looks different or maybe a food we love and are unable to have. Whatever it is, this time of year reminds us so heavily of that void.
This can be especially hard if it’s a loss that others don’t recognize. For example, moving from one home to another is usually a positive thing. It can bring many happy feelings and be the start of lots of wonderful memories. But it can also mean not being able to decorate the way you used to. It can mean inviting fewer people to your home. Sometimes it’s just the recognition of the fact that now holidays are just going to look different.
Death and the holidays
The death of a loved one is never easy. If this is your first holiday without a loved one who has passed recently, it can be especially hard. Their loss will be felt so much more. This can be even harder if that individual was the one who hosted the holidays. Now suddenly everyone is somewhere else and there’s a very painful reason as to why. It’s normal to feel that the holidays should be joyous and to even feel a little guilt about being sad. However, it’s important to remember that you’re allowed to find joy in little aspects of the holidays while also grieving your loved one. You’re also allowed to not be able to find any joy right now at all. There is no one perfect way to grieve and each day is going to look different for everyone.
What can I do about these feelings about loss?
If you feel your grief is overwhelming or is bleeding into many aspects of your life, then therapy may be a good option. It’s normal to feel grief in waves and loss can hit us at random moments. But if your grief is making it difficult for you to function on a day-to-day basis and care for yourself, then it may be time to seek help. This is especially true if the grief is not recent. If it’s still affecting you so much that you can’t take care of yourself, talking to someone can be very helpful.
There is no shame in seeking counseling for grief and loss. It doesn’t mean that you’re trying to get rid of your grief, it’s about learning how to make it a manageable part of your life.
But isn’t counseling for people with ‘real problems’?
Grief can be a real problem if it impacts your life this heavily. There is no such thing as not having a problem ‘real’ or ‘big’ enough to seek therapy. Being able to seek therapy for your feelings is something that can be helpful and important, especially this time of year.
